Alright, today’s post is just going to be a big long list of personal anecdotes all about a specific theme: cars. Why? Because I like talking about myself, I need to write something, and whatever the heck man it’s my blog I can do what I want.
Okay, so first segment, childhood. Some of these might be a little wrong since my memory is bad, and some of these aren’t about me, but they’re about my family so whatever man they count.
As kids we watched Schoolhouse Rock! a lot. At one point, my mom got us a video game for it – I rather enjoyed it, there were some cool games on there. Forget the name of it. It was one of those really old video games, a CD-ROM for playing on the computer. Which was also an old computer. I think at that point in time we still had dial-up connection. Look, I’m old, okay? At any rate, my brother didn’t play this game, but he enjoyed watching me play the game. He especially enjoyed the player character, which was the bunny from the “Lucky Number Seven” song, who bounced around the screen as you went from game to game. He thought that was super funny. (What can I say, he was like, 4.) At any rate, we were playing this video game just before we were heading out in the car to go… somewhere. (As sidenote, he also had an annoying habit of forgetting his shoes when we went into the car. Just weird little brother things I guess.) He was short enough at this point to be able to stand up in the car. So he went into the car (I was seated at this point) and decided to tell me “Hey, isn’t it funny how the bunny goes-” and at this point he decided to try to jump like the bunny. Thing is, he was short enough to stand up in the car, but not short enough to be able to jump up and down in the car. So he hit his head. Wah-wah. Of course, it was all terrible at the time and he was in huge pain, but in hindsight I find it freaking hilarious.
Also when we were young, we always rode in the minivan, and next to the sliding door there’s those little handles next to the doors, right? Well, my sister (who was four at the time (I was like two, I can’t remember this incident I heard it from my parents)) decided to try and swing on them like they were monkey bars. Well, suffice to say the handle remains broken to this day. It’s not really designed to support the weight of a four year old.
Speaking of my sister, we have two cars that she decided to name as a kid – the minivan is named Rosalie and the CRV is named Adelaide. Another nickname we’ve given to the CRV is the Barkmobile, since my dad used to pick up tanbark in it all the time for our yard – so it would constantly smell like bark whenever my dad took us anywhere, one of the places being gymnastics followed by going to Jamba Juice. Or, as we called it, Gym Juice and Jambanastics. (I can’t remember which was which now.) Along with the blends we got from Jamba Juice (I always got (and still get) Citrus Squeeze), we also picked up tortilla chips that had the brand name of Corazonas. And because we’re very creative, we decided to name a little pink flamingo that was also kept in the Barkmobile Corazonas. We enjoyed messing around with him a bunch – we’d stick him out the car window, roll up the window and have him stick out it. We were certainly safe kids. (Maybe that story my sister tells me about how I once lost a doll out a car window isn’t a lie…) Sometimes my dad decided to let Corazonas “drive” as well, by putting him on the steering wheel and swerving a bit while on the road. He’s certainly a safe driver. (Note: this is sarcasm, please be a safer driver than my dad, don’t do this unless you’re a professional). Speaking of my dad and good ideas, he also decided that the best thing to do while driving next to a big patch of cows would be to roll down the windows for some “fresh air”. Worst idea ever Dad, 0/10, we were stuck with the smell of cows for far too long.
So that last paragraph was nothing in particular, just a bunch of little nonsense. Whatever. Let’s have some more of that, but vacation-related! So to get to vacation destinations, we’d ride in one of those vans with four rows of seats that always smell bad, right? Well, I actually have a different problem with the vans, which is a very specific part of the seat. It’s not the bottom of the seat where your butt goes, it’s the part below that, where the back of your legs rub up against. That part. The vans we always got in… those part was always really scratchy. And I almost never wear pants/skirts that cover up my lower legs (and definitely not in the summer, which was when these vacations were), meaning I always had to deal with it. Ugh. By the time I figured out to bring a little cloth diaper (it’s just a little soft piece of fabric I don’t think we ever used them as actual diapers) to cover up the scratchy part, we started using a different service that didn’t have the scratchy leg-parts. Wah-wah.
Another time when we were heading up to our grandparents house in NorCal, my parents put a movie into a little DVD player for the car since we were little babies who couldn’t handle doing nothing for two hours. Weak. (I think the movie was High School Musical, if y’all care.) At any rate, after the movie was over, the DVD player did this weird thing where it had its logo alternate between red and green and bounce around the screen. So at one point I fell asleep and groggily woke up to see this to think “oh it’s the bouncy ball show they have on TV”. …I have no idea what I was thinking.
Last up is some golf cart shenanigans we got into when we visited Lake Tahoe! A few times when I was young my Dad let me “drive” the golf cart on two different occassions – one time I got to control the gas, and another time I got to control the steering wheel. Never both at the same time. However, this is about the time my brother and I drove a golf cart on accident. So basically we were bored while waiting for our family to finish up at the local hang-out, so went to the golf cart early for some reason. And I guess the keys were left in the car, since we unlocked the parking brake or something and the car started moving. I think it moved less than two yards, tops, but it scared the crap out of us little kids, who were both under ten at the time.
Alright, next segment is present or recent-ish. Most of which deal with me driving, but on purpose and not by accident!
So when I was on a driving instructing lesson (where ya get in car with trained instructor and dink around driving for two hours), we were going down a busy street when this. this complete BUTTHEAD cuts right the frick in front of me. I almost got dinged! My instructor said that was a case I should’ve honked my horn. Dang right it was! …But I didn’t, since I didn’t think of it / I’m too nice.
Another time I should’ve honked at somebody was when I was driving down a street with a 25 mph speed limit, with only one lane going each way. Now, as you may know, Californian drivers don’t really like going the speed limit, but rather about 10 mph above it. So there was this guy tailgating me a lot, not really liking my speed at all. And then, when there were no cars going the other direction… he cuts the frick in front of me. As in, he goes into the other goshdarn lane, OVER THE DOUBLE YELLOW LINE, AND GOES AROUND ME. If you didn’t know, this is super duper hecka illegal. My mom who was in the car with me agreed: that guy was a butthead.
Another time I was in the car recently with my mom I wasn’t actually driving – she was. But it was a bit of a struggle since we were going to the recycling center to drop off cans and bottles (in California and a few other states, you get money for it – start collecting folks!), as well as to drop off some recyclable plastics they don’t pick up curbside. But my parents had missed a round and we didn’t have the minivan available to drive since someone else had taken it, so we had to fit tons and tons and tons of cans into our little CRV. It was so full we could barely see out the rearview mirror. (Kids please don’t do this it’s a very bad idea.) At any rate we managed to get there without incident and dropped off all of our stuff so huzzah!
So, about three years ago, we got another car – a Nissan Leaf. It’s the car I drive in the most since it’s nice and easy. It’s my friend. I drove it to school today. My sister, like she named the other two cars, at the age of 16 named this car again – Shannon Wilson Belle, from the movie Cannibal which you probably shouldn’t watch since it’s from the creators of South Park. But I digress. So it was earlier this year, actually, when this occurred – it was the end of the Homecoming Picnic and we had some leftover stuff, as in banners and napkins and a handful of cupcakes. Since I biked to school that day, my plan was to put them in the locker and pick up everything later. I discovered something bad had happened when I reached
my brother’s our locker, however – the lock was missing. I opened up to discover that the one thing we’d been keeping in there – a little silver pouch – had been opened up. Now, this would’ve been the most disappointed locker robber in the world – you want to know what I kept in that pouch? It wasn’t lunch money or credit cards, it was pads. For periods. We placed them in a fancy silver pouch in case my brother had to open the locker around his friends and didn’t want to get embarrassed or whatever if there were pads in there. At any rate, this freaked me out – what if someone stole the cupcakes or the napkins?? So I ut the stuff in the locker and proceeded to bike home the fastest I have ever biked in my entire life. My plan was simple – bike home, take Shannon Wilson Belle back to school, bring back the stuff, done. However, I discovered that when I came home that the Leaf had been taken out by my mom and brother to go to an appointment or something. Now, up to this point I had only driven the van once and it didn’t go so well. So after deliberating for a bit, I decided to take the van. Getting to school was easy enough, even thought it was a little weird. I couldn’t park in the parking lot since it was before 3, but it was after 2 so I could park on the street. Thank goodness! I then discovered something – I couldn’t get the key out. Took a little fumbling but I finally managed to get it out – think I forgot to put it in park or something, heh. I managed to get the cupcakes and stuff into the car no problem, but my mom and my brother had come back from the appointment to discover the van was missing. Oops. So she went out in the Leaf to try and find me (I wasn’t answering my phone since my phone was dead.) So once I got home I had to calm down Mom and that’s when I learned I should never presume my mom won’t come home before I do because when I presume I make a pres out of you and me. Wait, I think that’s wrong.
We got a new lock later, and we haven’t gotten locker robbed since, phew.
Next thing was before I got my learner’s permit – this is up at Lake Tahoe again. Basically our family came up with the best idea ever – to have our Golf Cart be named Cartman. Haha get it, like Eric Cartman and a Golf Cart! So we printed out a picture of Eric Cartman and put it on the windshield. That’s about all we did, but it was the best thing we’ve ever done. My brother’s going to get to drive Cartman this Summer. Wish him luck guys!
So that’s about it for this post! I also have another fun car-related story that I can’t really talk about here since it has a lot of swears involved, but feel free to DM me or ask on #mature about “the gift”.
So… I guess upcoming posts will have to be a review of Pokémon Moon, some other reviews of some TV shows I’ve started watching recently, and maybe I’ll finally do something involving Journal 3.